One thing motherhood brings with it is endless questions.
Questions the children ask; "why?" and "whats that?" being the current favourites of Orson.
Questions other people ask; "Does that little girl over there belong to you?" My answer usually starts with "Why, what's she done?" before I admit to actually owning her.
And questions we ask ourselves "Should I have let them do that?" "Can I afford it?" "Why are they being like this?!"
To some questions the answer is a simple yes, no or because I say so. But other questions seem to me to have no answer. I have attempted to list some below. If anyone can come up with a definitive answer, or just a witty retort please post!!
1. Why do small children see nostrils and nappies as the ideal places to store small objects?
2.Do any other TV channels exist during the day other than cbeebies or playhouse Disney?
3. How do children instinctively know when you have a headache, and choose then to unleash their noisiest behaviour?
4. Do you think the creators of Thomas the Tank Engine knew all small boys would end up saying 'F***ing Roller' instead of Fat Controller? Did they do it just to embarrass hundreds of parents?
5.How do you keep a straight face when your 5 year old tells you she wants a hamster and wants to call it faggy wanky????!!!!
6. Why does the phrase "keep the sand in the sandpit please" mean the complete opposite?
7. How can you serve a meal up one week and have it all eaten, yet serve it up again another week and no-one likes it?
8. Is there anything children won't do for the promise of sweets/cake/chocolate?
9. Has the naughty step ever worked for anyone? I put mine on it just so I get a couple of minutes peace.
10.Is Mr Justin Tumble actually human? Why do small children either love him or loathe him? There is no middle ground. He is the marmite of children's TV.
11.Why are purses, kitchen cupboards, handbags and makeup bags an endless source of fascination?
12. Are all girls born with an attitude problem?
13. How do kids stand in the paddling pool or sea shivering and turning blue, but still refuse to get out, telling you they're fine?
14. Why- when you've just told the nice old lady in Sainsburys that yes your children are good most of the time- do they either have a tantrum, pick their nose or start fighting with each other?
15. Does every wash load have to contain at least one odd sock? I'm sure they were all pairs when they went in...
16. How many times is it possible to fake laugh at the joke "Why did the chicken/goat/elephant (delete as appropriate) cross the road?" "To get to the shop to buy chicken/goat/elephant food"
17. Does anyone else laugh when their children fall off furniture? To me there is something quite hilarious about Orson falling off the back of the sofa.
18. Is it considered acceptable to go and do the weekly food shop with baby sick on your shoulder and chocolate smeared on your trousers, and to hum 'Bob the Builder' whilst pushing the trolley?
19. Does anyone else love the park because they get to have a go on the equipment with the kids?... No? Oh. Just me then.
20. And, does anyone else like to hide in the laundry basket to scare the kids as they come upstairs? No? Oh dear. I need help.
Questions the children ask; "why?" and "whats that?" being the current favourites of Orson.
Questions other people ask; "Does that little girl over there belong to you?" My answer usually starts with "Why, what's she done?" before I admit to actually owning her.
And questions we ask ourselves "Should I have let them do that?" "Can I afford it?" "Why are they being like this?!"
To some questions the answer is a simple yes, no or because I say so. But other questions seem to me to have no answer. I have attempted to list some below. If anyone can come up with a definitive answer, or just a witty retort please post!!
1. Why do small children see nostrils and nappies as the ideal places to store small objects?
2.Do any other TV channels exist during the day other than cbeebies or playhouse Disney?
3. How do children instinctively know when you have a headache, and choose then to unleash their noisiest behaviour?
4. Do you think the creators of Thomas the Tank Engine knew all small boys would end up saying 'F***ing Roller' instead of Fat Controller? Did they do it just to embarrass hundreds of parents?
5.How do you keep a straight face when your 5 year old tells you she wants a hamster and wants to call it faggy wanky????!!!!
6. Why does the phrase "keep the sand in the sandpit please" mean the complete opposite?
7. How can you serve a meal up one week and have it all eaten, yet serve it up again another week and no-one likes it?
8. Is there anything children won't do for the promise of sweets/cake/chocolate?
9. Has the naughty step ever worked for anyone? I put mine on it just so I get a couple of minutes peace.
10.Is Mr Justin Tumble actually human? Why do small children either love him or loathe him? There is no middle ground. He is the marmite of children's TV.
11.Why are purses, kitchen cupboards, handbags and makeup bags an endless source of fascination?
12. Are all girls born with an attitude problem?
13. How do kids stand in the paddling pool or sea shivering and turning blue, but still refuse to get out, telling you they're fine?
14. Why- when you've just told the nice old lady in Sainsburys that yes your children are good most of the time- do they either have a tantrum, pick their nose or start fighting with each other?
15. Does every wash load have to contain at least one odd sock? I'm sure they were all pairs when they went in...
16. How many times is it possible to fake laugh at the joke "Why did the chicken/goat/elephant (delete as appropriate) cross the road?" "To get to the shop to buy chicken/goat/elephant food"
17. Does anyone else laugh when their children fall off furniture? To me there is something quite hilarious about Orson falling off the back of the sofa.
18. Is it considered acceptable to go and do the weekly food shop with baby sick on your shoulder and chocolate smeared on your trousers, and to hum 'Bob the Builder' whilst pushing the trolley?
19. Does anyone else love the park because they get to have a go on the equipment with the kids?... No? Oh. Just me then.
20. And, does anyone else like to hide in the laundry basket to scare the kids as they come upstairs? No? Oh dear. I need help.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one with the sandpit issue! I refuse to put another bag of sand in for a while! They have a pit currently, with no sand!
ReplyDeleteYes, I laugh at Kieran all the time. He falls off furniture quite a bit. Then will do it deliberately because we laughed ::rolls eyes::
Answer to 18: Shop online!
Oh, more in the winter, when the house is dark... we play 'find mummy' :D Great fun. My dad used to do it to me. Completely normal. ;-P